


Just Get Naked

by hyAdamsFoster



Series: In Between - Stef and Lena's Missing Scenes [2]
Category: The Fosters
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 08:02:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6365890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyAdamsFoster/pseuds/hyAdamsFoster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The missing scene at the end of S03e18 - Rehearsal. Stef and Lena go upstairs to hmmm mmm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Get Naked

Standing in the kitchen of her own home, Stef had never felt so nervous in her life. She was about to show Lena her new haircut. She’d done this today on a whim, walking around trying to decide what to do about her breasts. The cancer survivors she had met had inspired Stef. She realized that she wanted to get to the place these women were at, completely comfortable with their bodies. Stef’s problem was a bit deeper, she’d never comfortable in her own skin. Not fully. Things had changed for her when she’d met Lena. For the first time in her life, she’d known she was going to live her life authentically. And her truth was her sexuality. She had thought that was enough but years later, she realized that she felt shame about marrying a woman. Having worked through that layer of internalized homophobia, Stef had found that authenticity could take on many forms. Marrying the woman of her dreams in a pair of pants had pushed her past that comfort level. In the past, she’d picked her attired based on what her mom and what society wanted. After her wedding, she’d begun wearing her flannel, her smart blazers, she’d felt sharp and in control when she wore those clothes. She’d felt like Stef.

This cancer crisis had at first been a life or death scare, but then it had turned into an identity crisis. Her breasts were at the center of this conundrum. The situation had her wondering about what it meant to be a woman. These wonderful women had shown her that breasts weren’t a component of identity all. And as she pondered that, she came to the conclusion that she wanted to be the woman she had always wanted to be. She wanted breasts because she liked herself with them. She wanted them, not for the people at the station, not for random strangers, not even for Lena. She wanted them for herself. Once she let go of that particular concern, a buried desire resurfaced: she wanted short hair. Each time she thought about it, she could hear all the voices telling her it would make her look manly and butch. God how she loathed that word, butch. It was everything she had fought against for so long. She’d lived with people calling her dyke and now it would be butch dyke.

Sometimes, Stef had learned, what you fear is exactly what you need to do. You’re afraid for a reason, and living in fear is no way to live. Stef wanted to live, she’d walked on the edge of death now and she wanted to live her life on her own terms. So she’d cut her hair, and she’d own the labels she’d despised, butch dyke. So what? Even in her head, the more she said them, the less dangerous they became. So everyone, including her mother, would just have to deal. Well, there was one exception, Lena. Stef cared about what she thought, she wanted Lena to love her, want her, desire her. Yet, even Lena wasn’t worth living a lie. Stef wanted to believe Lena, who said she’d love her no matter what. She really wanted to but Stef founded it incredibly hard to do.

“Hey Ma,” Stef rarely called her that, but figured this time it might get her attention.

Instead, Lena just merely replied, “Hey,” without even looking up from doing the dishes.

Stef continued, hoping her words would convey her news, “Anything new and exciting happen today?”

Lena wasn’t making it easy, “Uh, no not really. How’s the set building going?”

Ok, time to step it up with some innuendo, “Still a lot to do and time is **short**.”

“Yeah?” Lena was not budging.

Stef decided it was time to face the music. She bit her lip, cleared her throat and went for the truth, “I uh, I decided to get the implants.”

And that finally got Lena’s attention. When Lena finally looked her way, Stef felt as if her life depended on her reaction. Lena couldn’t fake a first reaction; Stef would know right away. She had been expecting Lena’s surprised look, her gasp, but not the huge smile that broke out on her face. It immediately put her at ease, but she had to make sure.

Stef couldn’t match Lena’s smile, “Do you hate it?”

Lena approached Stef, her arms outstretched in search of the new haircut, “Oh my god I love it. It’s so sexy.” Lena’s words inspired a quick smile from Stef. Lena walked around her, taking in every inch of her beloved. “What inspired this change, look at you?”

Stef was relieved, feeling Lena’s love. She sat down to explain, “I think it’s my own version of, of, of, Ellen’s tattoo. The peacock. I think it’s you know my, my symbol of, of confidence. I’ve always wanted to cut my hair really short.”

Lena watched Stef as she grew in her certainty and smiled with pride, “Why haven’t you done it until now?”

Stef sighed, she’d never even let Lena know all these insecurities, “Cause I was afraid I was gonna look a dyke. I hate that I have my own internalized homophobia. But uh, just really been struggling, really been struggling with, with the way people are gonna look at me without breasts. As if I uh, as if I am somehow less of a woman, less, less feminine. But you know what? Breasts and long hair do not make me a woman. And What the hell do I care if people think that I’m butch because they have uh, an idea of what a woman is supposed to look like. I just, I just, I just want to look like the way I wanna look. And letting go. Letting go of that fear. I guess, I just, I’ve never felt more feminine.” With that statement, Stef couldn’t hold her emotions in any longer. She felt her eyes water, her truth was finally out and it felt wonderful. “And I am gonna get implants because I like having boobs, not because I’m not me without them. So...”

Lena had never felt more pride for the woman she loved. Stef was such a strong woman and Lena felt so proud that she was finally standing up for herself, not for everyone else, “I love you so much.” She approached Stef again, longing to connect.

“I love you too,” Stef could feel Lena’s fingers begin to play with her hair again.

And as Lena ran her fingers through short strands she felt something immediate and powerfully overwhelming: desire, “And fyi.” Lena cleared her throat, suddenly unable to be coherent, “This hair is getting me a little…”

Stef was pleasantly surprised, “Oh really?”

Lena smiled, “Hmmm.” Then she decided to drop the innuendo and get blunt, “We have a little time before dinner. You know. We could uh.” Lena quickly stifled a sniff, from her unshed tears of pride. “You know we don’t have to. We could just get naked and hmm mmmm.” The last thing she wanted to do was put pressure on Stef.

Beyond the initial surprise, Stef herself couldn’t deny that this new feeling on the back of her neck was affecting her too, “Hmm.” Lena’s fingers were magical.

Lena laughed and then said, “Come on.” Then suddenly serious and determined took Stef by her hand and led her to their bedroom, “Come.”

Stef tried to break the tension with some humor, “Oh, you wanna buy me dinner first woman?”

Stef’s joke had changed the mood. As they were going up the stairs, Stef decided to tickle Lena, “Get up there.”

Lena squealed with delight, Stef was playful and that meant she might be able to relax. In the weeks since her surgery, Stef had been very cagey with her body. It had made Lena become cagey with hers. They’d talked about it, but she knew Stef was far from over her body issues. When she’d first come home, she’d made her sure her mother was the one helping her with her dressings and her drains. It was a process that she didn’t want to put Lena through. Lena had felt sidelined, but did her best to respect her wife’s wishes. If they’d live long enough, she knew that caretaking was in both their futures. If Stef needed this from her mother, Lena would let her have it.

As the days passed and Stef regained some movements, she sent her mom home, but still didn’t let Lena do much. It was until Lena came clean about her guilt issues that Stef allowed her to help. She helped her with her hair, put clothes on and to adjust the compression bra. Even after that, and the fact that Stef had revealed she was getting some feeling back, Stef would not fully uncover her body and let Lena touch freely. Lena had caught glimpses of Stef in the shower, especially recently, but Stef had quickly turned away. Lena knew that all she could do was continue to be supportive and wait Stef out.

Finally, it seemed like waiting might pay off. Stef was feeling feminine and perhaps even sexy. Lena was ready to take advantage of the situation. As she told Stef earlier, she would have had sex with her earlier.

Stef let Lena beat her up the stairs, letting the excitement grow. She wanted Lena, and she knew Lena wanted her. She just wasn’t sure how it would all work out now that things had changed. Now that her body had changed. She’d never been closer to Lena, so she knew her apprehension had nothing to do with emotions. Lena’s love had never been clearer, even today, she’d proven how devoted she was. And the last time they had been intimate, it had been everything any woman could wish for in love making. It had been tender, incredibly intimate and highly pleasurable.

Still, she feared things had changed. Despite the current bravado, Stef was still struggling with her self-image.

As if she could read her mind, Lena called to her, “It’s OK, there’s no pressure. I just want to feel you close to me.”

Stef knew it was time. So she bravely untucked her shirt and started unbuttoning it, one by one, not meaning to create anticipation. She was just a bit nervous. Lena didn’t want to rush her, so she just sat on the bed, waiting for Stef to be ready. It was still the afternoon, and there wouldn’t be any darkness to hide her body. Stef almost had her entire range of movement back. She just couldn’t exert much force, that was still a painful challenge. Taking of her shirt, took no effort, and she was a master at taking off the compression bra. They had known each other for thirteen years and had almost as much time knowing each other intimately. It was incredible that they were still experiencing firsts. This type of vulnerability was not something Stef was used to. She felt completely exposed. During the day, with clothes on and the pads inside the bra, she could simulate having breasts. She’d resisted showing Lena her chest, but they both knew that this moment had to come.

Stef watched Lena take her in, and saw nothing but love in her eyes. She stepped closer to her wife.

Lena watched Stef step in and looked into her eyes first, seeking permission. Stef smiled and Lena knew it was ok, that Stef was letting her all the way in. She looked down and saw the deep scars running from where here nipples used to be to the sides of her body. They weren’t raw as she’d peeked at before, but they were still pink, well on their way to being healed. She looked up again, asking for permission, this time it was given with a perceivable nod.

Lena wrapped her arms around Stef’s waist and placed tender kisses on the scars, “I know you can’t feel much.”

“Yeah, I can’t, it’s numb mostly. I feel some things, and sometimes pain, as if I still had my breasts. But I really like the visual of what you just did. It’s not gross to you is it?”

Then Lena cried, she hadn’t let herself feel this, but it was suddenly too much. “Oh god Stef no. I am so happy to see them because it means you’re alive and you’re still here with me.”

Stef got down and sat on the bed down next to Lena holding her tight. They cried together, holding each other.

After a while, Lena tried to calm herself, “I am sorry Stef. I am trying to be strong for you. And I am just so happy to be on the other side of this now.”

Stef stroked Lena’s hair, “You don’t have to be strong for me, I told you, I am ok. I am better than that now. I feel hopeful, like I am new but still me, a better me, a healthy me?”

Lena shook her head, “I am so proud of you. I’ve never been more proud. You’re my hero. You’re so strong and you take on anything.”

Lena kissed her wife, once again burying her fingers in that hair. Soon her mouth followed, she wanted to kiss the nape of her neck. Stef may not have much feeling in her chest, but she had feeling in her neck. As soon as she placed her mouth behind Stef’s ear, Lena could feel her wife squirming beneath her.

“You like that, eh?” Lena questioned between kisses.

Stef smiled, “I always have, but somehow this hair, or lack of it, it makes me feel things all the way down to my toes.”

Lena smiled, “We’re going to concentrate on what you can feel, not what you can’t.” She took Stef’s hand again and stood them up. Lena began taking her clothes off. Whatever silliness she’d had before about showing Stef her body was gone. She knew Stef could only love her. Stef took her cue and disrobed as well. Despite the insecurity about her chest, she still felt proud of the rest of her body and was happy to show it off. She was surprised when Lena took her hand and silently guided her to bed again. She had expected some over sexuality, but Lena had avoided that.

Once on the bed, Lena wrapped Stef in her arms, gently at first. She was clearly still wary of any pain she could cause.

Lena whispered in Stef’s ear, “I just want us to be naked, OK? No pressure.”

Stef nodded and held on to Lena. It was weird to feel so much and to be missing such a big part of herself. She could feel Lena’s body everywhere, except on large parts of her chest. She heard Lena’s words in her head, concentrate on what you can feel. And the strongest feeling was in her heart. She loved Lena, and she trusted Lena to love her exactly as she was now.

Lena’s hands began to wonder down her back on the way to her ass. Lena was taking advantage of the nudity and she knew exactly what Stef liked. “You are so sexy.”

And for the first time in weeks, Stef believed it. “So are you,” she said, suddenly deciding that Lena’s body was just as it was before. There was absolutely no reason not to enjoy Lena as she had before. She decided to engage by touching Lena everywhere. She ran her hands up and down Lena’s back, till both their arousal awakened. She felt their legs intertwine, happy to find that her own body was still capable of feeling pleasure. Her center began to throb in anticipation.

Stef loved Lena more than anything and her breasts were still there, waiting for Stef. She decided to confront the elephant in the room, reaching between her bodies, to touch and feel. There were many things about Lena that weren’t like anything she had, and she still enjoyed them. Her breasts were just one of many things they didn’t have in common. And that was ok.

“Oh love, you feel so good,” Stef was glad that she could still get pleasure from breasts, even if they weren’t her own.

Lena knew it was time to really show Stef how much she loved her. She took her hands back to Stef’s hair, caressing the short blonde strands. Then, she tracked her hands down to Stef’s shoulders. She gently touched everywhere, even her chest, her scars. She watched Stef jump in surprise when she touched Stef’s abs.

Lena moaned, “How have you kept your abs so tight through all this?”

Stef smiled, “It’s my professional secret.”

Lena continued her exploration, Stef may not think so now, but touching her was turning her on. The flat chest was strange in that she wasn’t used to it, having touched this woman so many times in the past. It wasn’t that she found Stef unappealing. All of this, all this skin, this was Stef, and she treasured every bit of it. She would touch everything, relearning Stef’s body. It might take years for them to learn what Stef enjoyed and did not care for. It would take time as her implants grew, and her sensitivity came back, or didn’t. Through it all, Lena would show Stef that she wanted and needed to relearn her body by kissing and touching and licking.

Stef was anxious at first, but the more Lena touched her, the more comfortable she got. She vowed in that moment to not hide again, not from Lena. She had nothing to fear. Lena was showing her with her mouth and hands that she loved all of her. As Stef began to relax, her body began responding again. She took Lena in her arms and kissed her, probing deeply with her tongue. She moved her hips against Lena, letting her body show Lena how much she wanted her.

Sensing the change in Stef, Lena decided that just being naked was not what Stef needed. Stef obviously needed some release, she needed to reconnect with her body. Lena reached down and opened up Stef, pushing her thighs apart. Stef easily complied, letting Lena know that she was ready for more. Lena didn’t want to push Stef too much, not on their first time. She wanted her body fully healed before they tried anything too physical. Lena touched her gently, Stef was wet and ready. Lena felt herself melt at the thought of how wonderful this woman was. She was facing everything with a brave face and could still manage to give her this, her body, her love.

“I wanna eat you,” Lena moaned out.

Stef’s eyes opened wide, immediately agreeable to the idea. “I wanna eat you too,” her body spoke out her need before she’d even registered it.

Lena sighed, “Do you think, we could, um, try together? I mean, it’s not too much for your body right now?”

Stef shook her head, “I am almost ready to go back to work, I think I am ready for this.”

Lena decided she’d do the heavy lifting just in case. She let Stef lay down on the bed, while she turned herself around and positioned herself above her wife. Carefully, she carried her weight on her knees and arms, keeping herself off Stef’s chest. She lowered her pussy carefully, till she felt Stef’s hands gripping her hips, pushing her down.

“I’m not gonna break, Lena” Stef spoke as her mouth found her wife’s clitoris.

“Ahh,” Lena gasped, “I…” Then, she forgot what she was going to say and decided to descend on Stef. Familiar rhythms were found immediately. Their mutual knowledge of each other’s bodies didn’t suddenly disappear. They had engaged in this particular activity many times before. In most cases, they could time it just right, knowing when to slow down or speed up. Stef’s body wasn’t that different.

For Stef, this proved to be the perfect activity. She couldn’t even think about her chest, when she was occupied on two fronts. She had always found sixty-nine to be a challenging activity. Lena would give her a particularly long lick, and Stef would forget that she was supposed to keep sucking. Or, she’d get so distracted by giving Lena pleasure that she couldn’t concentrating on her own body. Right now, her face was full of Lena. Her nose was buried in her wife, her senses were overwhelmed by smell, sight, sound and feel. Lena tasted sweet, her clitoris was as stiff as she’d recalled. By Lena’s hip movements, she could tell it wouldn’t be long. So she slowed her pace, licking softly instead of sucking. She focused instead on her own hips, moving, showing Lena what pace her body required today.

Lena responded by entering Stef repeatedly with her tongue. It was a shallow, wet penetration that Stef particularly enjoyed from this angle. Stef was ready quickly. Lena could feel Stef’s swollen lips on her chin, so she returned to Stef’s clit and began circling it. Stef’s moans got louder, and they both knew that they were close. They concentrated on not letting go, even as their orgasms took over. Lena started coming first, and it immediately send Stef over the edge. They held on tightly as their bodies shook, intertwined.

Stef finally broke the silence, “I like it when we hmmm… mmm.” She’d found her body still worked. For weeks, she had felt betrayed by this diseased body. Today, it had shown her that it was still capable of giving her pleasure. She was still very much alive.

Lena laughed, “Me too baby, me too.” And then to make sure she kept her promise, Lena turned herself around. She then encouraged Stef on her side, spooned her from behind and held her. She wanted to give Stef comfort, love and some naked time. She reached around Stef, placing her arm carefully around her middle. Stef took her hand, and put it on her flat chest, right over her scar.

“I love you,” Lena husked with emotion.

Stef nodded, “I love you too.”

Lena placed her head on Stef’s shoulder, nuzzling her new short haircut, “I really like your hair.”

Stef smiled, “You’ve always liked me a little butch.”

Lena wasn’t going to deny that she loved Stef’s style, “I have, but I also just love you. Any version of you, I feel privileged to have watch you develop into the woman you were meant to be. And I look forward to walking this journey with you, wherever it takes you.”

“I wouldn’t be here without you,” Stef admitted. “You helped me come out, you pushed me to let go of society and marry you. And now you’re helping me accept my new body. I wouldn’t be here without you.”

“You never need to consider that, because we’re meant to be. That’s why it’s like this.” Lena knew that she had changed too, that Stef had made her a better person. Her life, and everything in it was because Stef had helped her build it and that they would be there next to each other, wherever life took them.

“Should we think about heading downstairs?” Stef suddenly wondered.

“No, they can all wait, the world can wait. Everything will be better after we take this time.” Lena kissed Stef’s neck.

Stef sighed, feeling better than she had since she first heard of the cancer. Today was the first day of the rest of their lives.


End file.
